How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
