After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
