woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
