Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
