i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
