he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize