flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
