At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
