i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
