hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
