if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
