I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
