Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize