Redeem this text for a blowjob
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
