Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize