Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
