Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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