Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
