I want to make a zoo with you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
