SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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