I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
