Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
