i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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