I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
