Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
