how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
