i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
