I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
