drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I want a musical about memes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
