it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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