I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
