I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
