those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
