so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
