Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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