why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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