Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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