They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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