That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize