You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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