I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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