I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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