What a fucking waste of an outfit
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
