He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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