I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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