I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
