If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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