I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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