The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
