You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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