I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
