i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
