i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just high enough for therapy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
