Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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