but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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