I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
