Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
