dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
