Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
