So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
