i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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