Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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