You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
