You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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