porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
