Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
