so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
