Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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