just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
