Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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