I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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