I can text with my tongue
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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