Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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