Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
